One Fine Day
by Swagman
Summary: A day in the life of Jack O'Neill.


A day in the life of Jack O'Neill:

8:00 A.M.

Carter approached the briefing room slowly, almost furtively. Occasionally she patted her hair, as if to reassure herself that she had done the right thing. 

Teal'c, General Hammond, and yes, even Daniel had already arrived for the briefing. Sam joined them. For several moments she stood in the doorway before entering the room. She sat down at the table, ran her hands through her hair several times and coughed.

"Is there something I should notice, Major?" General Hammond said.

"Well, yes," Sam said, frowning slightly.

"And?" Hammond prompted.

"It's my hair, sir. I thought I'd try a new style," Sam said.

The men froze. This could be bad, very bad, each thought as he tried to decide the best course of action.

Sam smiled hopefully at her companions. Teal'c remained impassive, while Daniel cravenly turned his attention to an old mission report.

General Hammond, drawing on his years of marital experience said, "you look 'fine' Major." 

"Do you really think so?" said a visibly relieved Sam.

"Oh yes, it's nice," Daniel lied.

"It is indeed most becoming," Teal'c said while yet again pondering the strange ways of the Tauri.

Jack wandered into the room. He grabbed a cup of coffee, absentmindedly greeted everyone and proceeded to describe his latest fishing trip before noticing Sam. 

"Good god, Carter, what happened? You get attacked by a weedwhacker or something?" said Jack as he stared at Sam's head.

"Jack," "O'Neill," "Colonel," Daniel, Teal'c and Hammond said simultaneously.

Sam said nothing, but her dejection was obvious.

"Sorry, Carter, ah, it looks, fine, really it does," Jack said sheepishly. "Really."

10:00 A.M.

Planet PX3-477

Two members of the primitive tribespeople inhabiting this peaceful, pastoral, planet, Thel and Krell, were minding their own business when the great stone circle began to emit a strange noise. They watched, fascinated, as if by sorcery, the circle lit up, and began to spin. After several moments, water seemed to rush forth, then a strange, shimmering light filled the circle. Four figures stepped out onto the surface.

"They must be gods," Thel said quietly, not wishing to attract the attention of the divine beings who had come through the magic circle.

"Are you sure?" his companion asked. "They look like mortals to me."

"You fool, they came through the magic circle. They must be gods! Watch them, witness for yourself their godlike behavior," said Thel looking noble.

As if on cue: Daniel sneezed; Teal'c surreptitiously scratched himself; Sam hiked up her bra strap, and Jack belched loudly.

"Oh yes, such fine examples of divinity, especially the silver-haired one. Why I'm awed by their magnificence," Krell said dryly.

"Ha Ha, very funny," Thel grudgingly conceded. "Everybody's a comedian," he muttered.

Meanwhile: "Daniel, do your thing. And remember, we want to make a GOOD impression on these people. You know, show them how classy we are," Jack said.

12:00 P.M.

Thel and Krell escorted SG1 to the village square. Krell ran off to find the head honcho. Overall, Jack thought things had gone well, although he couldn't figure out why they kept looking at him and snickering. Must be some strange native custom, he thought. Or maybe they're overawed by me.

The chieftain approached them. Daniel launched into his usual 'peaceful explorer' routine. "This is Major Carter, Teal'c, Jack O'Neill, and I'm Daniel Jackson," Daniel said.

"Welcome, Daniel, Jack's son, and Jack, father of Daniel," the Chieftain said beaming at them. "You must be proud to have such a fine son. By your gray hairs, I trust he has given you many grandchildren."

Sam emitted a strangled laugh as Jack glared. 

Turning to Sam, the Chieftain said, "and is this noble warrior also kin to you? You must be proud to have two such men in your family." 

Teal'c emitted a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort.

4:00 P.M. 

The Chieftain offered Jack a flask of a foul-smelling substance. "Drink," he said. "Drink to our friendship. If you do not, I will consider it a mortal insult." 

Jack took the flask and gulped the contents as quickly as he could, fighting the urge to up-chuck. The villagers giggled. Jack began to suspect the Chieftain was pulling his leg. I can't wait to get out of here, he thought. 10:00 P.M.

SG1 headed towards the gate, eager to return home. As they made their way through the darkness, Jack fell into a large hole. Landing awkwardly, he tried to stand up, but promptly collapsed, his ankle either broken or severely strained. He looked up at the faces of his teammates.

"Well, what are you standing there for? Get me out of here," he yelled.

"Uh, Jack, we forgot to pack some rope," Daniel said sheepishly. 

"Do not worry, O'Neill, I will return to the village and obtain a length of stout cordage," Teal'c said reassuringly.

"Oh great, this is just peachy," Jack groused. "What am I supposed to do in the meantime? A crossword puzzle?" They ignored him. 

Several minutes later Jack heard noises. Something was approaching, something that lived in the dark, damp, ground. Suddenly, he was surrounded by large, squeaking creatures. "What the hell was that?" Jack screamed as the herd skittered past him.

"They appear to be rodents of unusual size, O'Neill," Teal'c said.

"What?" Jack yelled.

"Big honkin' rats," Daniel said helpfully.

11:59 A.M.

Teal'c finally returned with a length of stout cordage which he tied to a tree. He climbed down into the hole, grabbed Jack and hauled him to the surface.

"Teal'c take the Colonel. Daniel, dial us home" Sam said.

Teal'c stooped down. "I will carry you, O'Neill," he intoned.

"No, Teal'c, no," Jack said. "Just help me up, I can walk."

"I do not agree O'Neill," Teal'c said as he lifted Jack off the ground and cradled him like a baby. 

"Aw come on, put me down. Now!," Jack whined.

"No," Teal'c said.

His cheeks flaming with embarrassment, Jack noticed the expression on Daniel's face. Is he smirking at me? Very funny Plant-boy. Next time I hope its you. Oh yeah, it usually is. He sighed. So far today, he'd inadvertently insulted Carter, been mistaken for Daniel's father, been the butt of a practical joke, injured his ankle and nearly been eaten by giant rats. Some days you might as well stay in bed, he thought.

The End. 


End file.
